OK, today I wanted to talk alittle about dating. When you do not get married until you are 40 years old for the first time, you have racked up more than a few dates in your life, and I admit I had rules for my dating life. This may sound funny, but for me,it just made sense.
I have had some bad dates in my life. One guy, proceeded to make me drive 2 hours, because supposedly his car was in the shop, come to find out nope he had too many DUI, that would of been a red flag. Then after driving those 2 hours, to a place I did not know he left me at the bar, but before that he had me use my cc to start a tab and racked up and $100.00 TAB.. He called me back a few days later and wanted to make it up to me, we went to dinner at the Griswold Inn, in Essex CT , where he worked so he did not pay for anything, then we went to play pool at the Monkey Bar, and he proceeded to tell me why I am still single. I almost hit him with my car leaving the parking lot.
Another date, showed up 30 minutes late, and tells me it was hard for him to get away from his wife..EXCUSE ME!! Your wife? That dated lasted only 40 minutes because he was 30 minutes late...
So, after these disastrous dates, I made myself some rules to follow. When my sister was divorced she did ask my advise on dating since she had been out of it so long...
1. DO NOT DATE ANY MAN THAT IS MARRIED, EVEN IF HE SAYS HE IS SEPARATED, Find out if its true, if he lives in the same house, I do not care of the excuse big red flag NO..
2. Do not date any man that has been divorced for less than 2 years, do not believe since he was married once he is ready and able to commit, usually it means he wants to have some fun before making another commitment. ***I will break this rule, if it is an outstanding reason, but not likely ****
3. Check out the man's manners: Does he open doors for you, or get in the car first and say, oh its unlocked get in, does he pull out the chair for you, or not? This gives you and indication of what type of man.
4. Kids? This is really a judgement call, personally I did not date men but when you reach a certain age it is inevitable. Now, and ex-wife is one thing but with kids involved the ex-wife is still in the picture.
5. NEVER SLEEP WITH A MAN ON THE FIRST DATE!! This is basic common sense Ladies!!
6. NEVER GET DRUNK ON A DATE... It is tacky, and besides do you seriously want your potential mate to think you are a lush?
7. Do not talk about your past relationships for as long as possible. DO not say what an a**, Jerk or any other pejorative you can think of. Because that makes you sound "Crazy", and men do talk believe me.
8. If a man asks for your number and you do not want to give it to him, do not be rude, do not give him a wrong number just say, "No". If you give him a fake number and you see him again it could get nasty. Best to be upfront in the beginning.
9. Never pay on your first date, if he asks you it is implied he is to pay, on the other hand have the money on hand if the date takes a bad turn.
10. On blind dates, always have a back up plan. If possible make it a lunch date those don't last as long, or even just drinks ( Think Sleepless in Seattle)..
I did not have this list on my refrigerator, I just lived them to basically self perverse myself.
Last night, my friend Dacia and her new man came for dinner, she was so happy and he was wonderful, he has only been divorced alittle while, but I told him I would bend the rule for him, because she is so happy. I know it is against (2) of my rules, he has a 14 years old son, but these are only my rules they do not apply to everyone.
I met my husband, and was so excited neither of us has ever been married and no kids, we both had long term relationships in our past, but never marriage, we were engaged 5 months after we met. He did ask me on the first date to marry him, he we are about to celebrate our 4 year anniversary, so maybe the rules don't always work, but they did for me... Good luck ladies...