Today, I found out my best friend Thomas had passed away this week. I am devastated, an of course, in my mind is what if: I was there, or if I called an checked on him etc. We do not know how/why or anything. I am flying home at some point it just depends on when the funeral or memorial is, I lost it so much at work, I had to come home.

I remember the first time I met Thomas at the "Floodtide", in Mystic, CT our first Sunday together Brunch. We drank Champagne and laughed, went to a thirft store and bought cowboy hats then went to the Casino an walked around, an made fun of ourselves in our best southern accents.

We lived together for awhile an had parties, dinner parties, friends/lovers in an out of the house. We had our fights but were always there for each other. Thomas even had themed clothes the Orange cargo pants that seemed to be on him for a whole month. Our the times he would dress in one color and call himself whatever color he was wearing.

Our famous Thanksgiving dinner with 20 people, our the Christmas drinking a whole bottle of Tequila, or going to AJ's for brunch on New Years Day with Bloody Mary's to help us through our already foggy heads. I love Thomas an will miss him terribly when it finally sinks in, at this point I still can not get my head around it.

When someone dies, why are we so selfish we think, how does it affect me? I want to know why, how was he feeling, did he know? I have all my memories and pictures from our time together. Our trip to Savannah for his 30th birthday, or in Providence on my brother's 30th, where Thomas was on the floor with the Techno music, still dancing when he fell an was stepped on. His smile, his kindness, his love for his friends. Thomas you are badly missed.