Do you remember being 12 years old? Do you remember all the insecurities that come with it, and the drama? When I was 12 years old, I was the 3rd child to go through this time, I had two "cool" older sisters who did not want the "kid" tagging along.

My sister Gwynne was 15, and Lynne 16, to them it felt like I was a lifetime away from them, since then we have grown closer. Recent events have made me try to remember those feelings, that time in my life. I did of course, go back to my diaries from that time period.

BOY WAS I DRAMATIC!!! If anyone commented on my hair, I would be running up the stairs in tears and of course, slam my door to make a point and throw myself on the bed to have a huge cry. My first real crush, "Albert" would call and we would talk, but he never asked me out, when he ended up going out with Suzie F. my life fell apart, anything would set me off.

It seemed my emotions were running over time, and I do believe no one thinks they are "cute" at that stage, if you do your self-esteem must of been off the charts. My parents were divorced, but we went to my dad's every weekend, not that we could talk to dad but he was putting in his time, luckily he lived in a basement apartment at his mom's so we did spend alot of time with both grandparents. This was the 70's, there were a lot more divorces out there, and were beginning to be more excepted.

For me, attention grabbing was my tears, for my mom she was a pleas er, who only wanted her parents to like her, she is still a pleas er today, wants everyone to like her. To be honest, my mom is the sweetest person in the world, and would never hurt anyone intentionally. Even my grandmother would say, your mom was a little mom, and always took in strays. She just revealed to me she cut herself with razor blades, I don't think she realized it is a stress relief.

"1.9 million Americans do these things, and do them repeatedly, some for years at a time, according to one conservative estimate. 1 Another source says 750 of every 100,000 people in the U.S. self-injure. 2 These people are NOT CRAZY. These people are NOT SUICIDAL, although a third of them expect to be dead within five years. They suffer from what is called by some "Deliberate Self Harm Syndrome," by others "complex post-traumatic stress disorder" (PTSD), "Repetitive Self-Harm Syndrome" or "multiple personality/dissociative identity disorders" (MPD/DID). Many of these people simply call themselves "cutters," and some simply call what they do SI, or self-injury, and use SI as a verb, as in "I SI once a month".

Recently, we have found out that my 12 year old niece is cutting herself, depressed and her little boyfriend may be hitting her. My heart goes out to her, she does not realize how great she is, and the fact her mom has given everything to her, emotionally. My sister has not dated, and after many years after her divorce has just started a healthy relationship, her ex-IDIOT, is blaming her, of course, never looking at the fact he is never there for his kids..

Being a 12 year old girl is tough enough, and then to have outside forces bigger than yourself to contend with makes it overwhelming. I admit when I heard the school counselor called the EX out and put alot of the blame on him, I smiled, we have been saying this for years. My husband was so mad last night, if we were not 5 hrs. away, I think my EX-brother in law, and the little boyfriends parents would of gotten a not nice visit.

Part of me, is glad it finally is all out in the open and came to a head, now the family can pull together and work to help my niece. My family, is not perfect far from it, but we all pull together in a time of need, that is our way. My mom, told us alot the other day of her child hood which we knew nothing about, is it hereditary? I do believe depression is, all of us in my family, have gone through it, besides myself everyone is on some sort of medication. Ironically, I was the one who first got on medication when my 5 year long relationship ended, I could not pull out of the funk. I think if you need it, take it especially if is going to help you. Life is tough sometimes, and you need alittle help. I love my niece and hope she realizes we are all here for her, and will never give up on making her healthy.

Try to remember back to when you were 12 what were you feeling?