This morning it was snowing, and as I was walking to work, realized even though it was nice fluffy snow  (great for pictures) underneath was sleets of ice, yes I fell a few times. Luckily, I did not rip anyting. Lately, at work I am feeling as if I am not good enough for the team.  My big boss man, sends me stuff/information from my counterparts in the other properties and did could not handle it anymore. I directly asked him, am I just not living up to your expectations because I feel that everytime I turn around there is a new email from what they are doing?

His response, well that is a loaded question. He explained he was looking for ideas and such and guess what never answered the question.  I never really expected him to answer but he is always going on about reviews to let employees know how they are doing.  Well, I started with this company Feb. 9, 2009 and guess what still no review.

My direct boss, she has been working on for months, and she is out of town this weekend, I was on her computer and saw it but did not open it, because I know it must suck if I still have not received it.  I feel this company has no loyalty when I sit around the big manager meeting every week, and see all the faces have changed but 2 ( my boss and mine) makes me nervous, and alittle ticked off, because they hired the wrong leader and had her in that position for 18 months, then no one for 4 months then our new big boss.

In those 18 months we all were doing 2 - 3 jobs instead of the one we were hired for, and then for the 4 months interium we were each running our own departments at one of the busiest times of year for the property.  Then when my husband was so rudely ousted, he luckily quit first and was replaced with someone who thinks knows everything and nothing about this property.  I admit I felt defeated then I had some bad months in my sales but I seemed to have gotten revised in the last month or two and getting excited again.  I have been handling weddings for over 20+ years and admit, I feel burned out on weddings.  I really want to move forward in my career, I can handle it but no one will give me a chance due to never been a director.  I have done a Director's job for many years, but never the title and now that I work for a small boutique property they do not even have the Director position I want. What do I do?

Part of me thinks I should look around to move forward in my career the other part thinks this is the best I am ever going to get and you love the property you work at, why rock the boat?  I am not getting any younger and life is so short, should I take another leap of faith or stay put?

This is what my street looked like yesterday morning.  Up here in NH it really has not snowed since Halloween, a little dusting on Christmas but this is so much better. Personally, I do not like shoveling or driving in the snow, but business wise, we need this.  We also need the lake to freeze so the people come for the cross country skiing and the ice fishing.

Today, it was raining so now the snow is mushy and when we leave work today it will be slick. Normally, it is nice to stay inside and snuggle, watch tv eat great meals, but due to a mess up with my paychecks in December, we are playing catch up with bills, so basically I am working for a paycheck not working for fun or life.

It has been really hard on the husband, his business is starting to pick up but it slowed down in November and did not exist in December, so we ended 2011 harshly, eating burgers ( yes broke)..

Once, the first paycheck hits in February we should be back on track, so as I watch the snow fall I try to remember that it is only for another 6 weeks, we can survive.....