Day 20: I think I am going crazy, I do not know what to do with myself all day. I apply, work on my webpage and then stare at the walls all day. I have started to reread "Gone with the Wind", for about the 10th time. Today, we did start going through the boxes in the basement and packed the Jeep to go to the Dump tomorrow morning.

It was hard for the husband to start getting rid of books, he has been collecting for so long, we were at over a 1,000 books, and at least 5 huge boxes went into the Jeep. Since the dump is only open Wednesday and Saturday's we figure tomorrow will be at least 2 trips, then we will go to town to get boxes to begin packing. This time, everything is going into a Storage Shed, and when we pack it in the front will be things we might need.

Becoming homeless is horrible, even though we have family to fall back on at my age, I feel like a failure. I want to believe something will break soon for my job hunt, but the other part of me, knows how bad the economy is and it may take longer than ever this time. Scared, is not a good enough word for how I feel, terrified.

The husband is so positive, and I try so hard to keep positive, but when I wake up in the morning and have no office to go to, I am just lost. I have already purged my closets and bureau of clothes I realize I will never get back into or ever wear again, and then the basement. Once, we start packing again, I know I will fall apart again. Today going through the boxes downstairs and seeing pictures from my past, past loves, past friends, when I was thin, a different lifetime again, I realize we are going into another new phase of my life and our marriage.

I never realized what and adventure my marriage would be, I thought getting married at 40 was going to be the biggest thing ever, but now we have taken another direction in our life and I want to know what will happen.

Stayed tuned..Oh, we bought a video camera so we will be recording our adventure and putting it on our blog.