Day 34 - Today, I have a phone interview in 10 minutes and I am so nervous. The position is for a traveling Sales Manager, where you go to hotels while they are looking for replacement and start selling the day you arrive, no training, basically learning as you go.

The good thing is it would not matter where we live, as long as close to a airport. I am not sure it would be a good fit, but it gives me practice in interviewing, even though they can not see me I did put on a suit, so I feel like I am interviewing properly, silly really but it works for me. My confidence has plummeted so low, being without work is making me feel even worse about myself. Then the self doubt am I thinking to highly of myself by applying for Director positions? Even though I have been in the business for over 10 years, am I qualified? Yes, I do know that, but my resume does not reflect it, how do you put that down on paper that the last 3 jobs, I have known more than my direct boss? You do not want to sound petty or overly confidant.

I met up with my old assistant from the last job and my associate who left a week before I was laid off, and they are both doing so well, and I got the gossip that they are offering my position part time to the old F&B director, yes it is not at the same salary and it is only p/t but why not call me back? We are finishing our packing today, and will load the truck tomorrow and be out of here by 11am on Friday. Once everything is in storage then what we have in the car is all we are going to have the whole trip. The husband is attempting to load the car now to make sure we have room for everything I think his books are going to have to go into storage but did not want to tell him that.

Well time to go my interview is about to begin.

Day 28- No job...

Today, I have been applying for positions all over the place and nothing is breaking. I so enjoy the rejection letters/emails, most say, I have the experience, but have gone another way. I realize these are standard letters but it still hurts. It really is a full time job looking for the right position.

I did ask myself last night, where do I want to be? I keep saying New England, but really what is here for me? I really do not want the South unless it is Key West,FL. I did find the most perfect job for myself but to be honest, they would have to give me a chance. It is for a Marriott and Conference Center in Lancaster, PA, it is brand new and 300 rooms opening in Spring 2009. It would be a perfect fit, working on and opening and putting into place the Standard and Procedures, it would be so much work, but I truly believe it would be worth it.

Lancaster is a nice area, and I believe in Marriott's and love a challenge of getting in on the ground floor and making it a success. I like the feeling of working toward something big, I know it would be my first Director position, so they may not give me a chance, but I can always dream. Even if they do not want to put me on the payroll until January for the right job I would hold off, and then look to relocate. The husband is willing to go anywhere I get a job the only 2 places off limits is NYC and Connecticut.

I did apply for a few jobs out in Chicago, and that would be closer to his family, but I am a momma's girl and closer to New England would be a better fit for me.

Halloween is coming up next week, and this article caught my attention in the New London Day.

Sprague - Some folks on the library's board of trustees were just a little spooked.

What's that? A real live witch was going to practice his craft at the library on Halloween? In front of children?

Yes, said Linda Puetz, president of the Friends of Sprague Public Library. And the witch, the Rev. Rapid Cabot Freeman, was going to charge admission and donate the proceeds to the library.

Freeman himself came to the trustees' meeting last Tuesday night to reassure them.

”We don't throw lightning bolts, we don't kill babies and we don't drink blood,” Freeman said. “It's not about that. It's about positive energy.”

Halloween, he explained, has its roots in Samhain (pronounced sawin), the Celtic new year and, for witches, the holiest day of the year, “like Memorial Day and New Year's Eve all rolled up into one.”

The witchcraft Freeman planned to perform was a ritual honoring the dead, for on Samhain, “the veil between the world of the living and the world of the dead, our passed-on ancestors, is the thinnest, so we can talk to the dead.”

”By 'talk' I don't mean like I'm talking to you. I mean put out offerings and show respect for the people that we love.”

The board, Freeman said, seemed reassured.

”Some people had some concerns. All right, fine. The word 'witch.' I know about that. Roger Corman movies and 'Freddy Versus Jason' and all that. ... And I get that,” he said. “So to let people know, I went over there. I told them what was going down. Everybody was cool with it.”

But, in fact, everyone was not “cool with it.” Several members of the library board went to First Selectman Catherine Osten to complain that the Friends of the Library had presented the matter as a fait accompli.

”They had a library board meeting, and the library board was told that the first selectman had already approved the event, and the board had no say in it,” Osten said Monday. “So the library board came to me and said, 'Did you approve a pagan ritual?' And I said, 'No, I did not.' “

In fact, Osten said, because the event was to be held not in the library proper but in the town community room upstairs, those planning it had to get a permit from her office to use the room. Since no one had sought a permit, or paid the $50 rental fee and the $50 cleaning deposit, she said, there would be no witchcraft there on Halloween.

”This is about someone that doesn't want to follow process,” Osten said. “They've refused to apply for the room, and they want me to say OK. Have we denied it? No, because it hasn't been presented to us to deny.”

Freeman, who said he reserved the room four months ago with librarian Barbaranne Warner, and who has been advertising the party on his public access television show - “The Witching Hour” - for the past six weeks, said he believes it is a matter of religious discrimination. He said he'd been planning the appearance since he spoke at the library about witchcraft last year and members of the audience asked him to give a demonstration.

While the town has allowed everything there from Christmas parties to christenings, he said, they are banning him because he's a pagan.

”People have had Christmas parties there,” Freeman said. “If the birth of Christ isn't a religious holiday, I don't know what is.”

For her part, Puetz was furious. So furious that she put out a five-page statement excoriating the first selectman.

”Ms. Osten seems to think there is religion involved, and a town building cannot participate,” Puetz said. “If the selectman censors the Halloween event of Mr. Freeman because she feels religion is involved, then Halloween in Baltic must be canceled in Sprague.”

Baltic, of course, is the heart of Sprague, where the old grist mill housing the library sits across the street from Town Hall. On that same night, the fire department, she pointed out, is hosting a Halloween party, and the department is located in a building belonging to the town.

”If Mr. Freeman is not allowed to have his event on October 31, it may be a discrimination issue,” Puetz said.

But Osten insisted Monday that religion has nothing to do with it. In addition to Christmas parties, she said, “There have been weddings, christenings, birthday parties, that sort of thing. … In town we have four large churches or religious organizations, and we have a very large, very large Mormon population, but I don't care what their religions are.”

Meanwhile, Freeman said he was saddened and angered by the selectman's “Hitleresque decree” and her failure to return his calls. The library has had a special place in his heart ever since he was a boy growing up in Baltic, he said. For it was there he discovered witchcraft, by reading books by famous witches, and dreamed of someday meeting them.

And he has. In fact, he ended up studying at the knee of Laurie Cabot, the Witch of Salem, and “the people who were my heroes are now my friends.”

Freeman said he wanted to give the proceeds to the library because “I believe in that library so much.”

”That was my rocket ship to get where I needed to be. And I want everybody to have the same ride to wherever they need to go.

”And I wanted to be able to give that gift to these kids,” he said. “Give them a library that they really have books. Give them a library where if they want to

Reality TV - Not that it is reality really.
Last night, I was flipping and saw and episode of "Janice Dickenson" and was so appalled and upset, I thought I would vent a little, her son is trying to bring in Plus Size Models to her failing business, and the way she treated these women and the client was appalling. She was so downright rude because she truly believes it is gross, and not what modeling is, well then you are too old... Have you not noticed that the modeling world has evolved? Last years winner of "Americas next top model" was considered Plus size? Oh, yeah Tyra got rid of you, smart girl.
The Girls Next Door- I admit is a guilty pleasure, now I hear all the girls are moving out and a new set being brought in, why?
The Hills- Since Lauren Conrad is actually moving on in her fashion business, are they centering more on Audrina? Why are Heidi and Spencer still on the show? I think Heidi has had way too much work, her 5 minutes of fame are up, get on to Whitney more.
Project Runway- YEAH!! I was so excited to see Leann win, I was so sick of Kenley's attitude, I love Koto also, but Leann was consistent the whole time and diverse, I just liked her so much. I know the show is leaving Bravo, where are they going? I really enjoy this show, but now my Top Chef is coming back and this year in New York, wonder if any past chef's will come back as guests for the surefire challenge, now that they are in New York.
Real Housewives of Atlanta - I am over the series, either go back to the OC or forget it, these women besides Lisa and DeShawn have no redeeming qualities, Kim reminds me of a girl I knew growing up in CT, thinking she deserves only the best and going only after men with money, we called her GoldDigger...

Sad, I love this place, it was the scene of my husband's and I first date, and then the place we became engaged. A beautiful Inn but can not seem to find people to run it properly and who have the bucks to put into it that is required. Maybe Mohegan Sun should look into buying it like Foxwoods bought the Spa at Norwich Inn and Mystic Hilton, just a thought.

From the New London Day Today:
New London - Warrants have been issued for the arrests of two owners of The Lighthouse Inn who have been uncooperative in an investigation into failure to pay employee wages, the state Department of Labor said Thursday.

Nancy Steffens, a Labor Department spokesman, said warrants were issued Wednesday by the New London Superior Court for the arrests of Christopher Plummer and Maureen Clark.

”We have not gotten very good cooperation from the owners,” Steffens said.

Steffens said the owners have not produced records that have been requested and have been difficult to track down. Based on their lack of cooperation and affidavits from seven former employees, Plummer and Clark are each being charged with seven counts of failure to pay wages, she said.

The total amount of wages in question is a little more than $14,000.

The charges against Plummer and Clark include four felonies and three misdemeanors. The felonies are for wages above $1,000 that were not paid, and the misdemeanors for amounts under $1,000, Steffens said.

In addition, the Lighthouse Inn owners have been charged with 14 counts of hindering an investigation, based on the number of days each of them has failed to comply with a subpoena from the Labor Department's Wage and Workplace Standards Division. Fines for these charges can run from $150 to $200 a day and will continue to mount as time goes by, Steffens said.

Plummer has been the face of The Lighthouse Inn for the past few months, and his disputes with employees had led to much of the staff losing their jobs. Clark has not been seen at the inn and restaurant for an extended period of time, according to former employees.

The inn's restaurant and bar were closed in August because the facility lacked hot water. The inn has remained open, though guests are asked to shower in a nearby building.

A phone message left at The Lighthouse Inn to Plummer was not answered Thursday evening.

”This is an open case,” Steffens said. “We will be continuing our investigation.”

Steffens said if other employees haven't been paid, they can file a complaint by calling the Labor Department at (860) 263-6790.

Started packing today, it is amazing how much "stuff" you accumulate over time. When we left CT in 2005 we only had 1/4 of a truck load, now we have to rent a huge truck from U-haul and then a 10 x 20 storage unit to hold it all.

If we get a job in the South then we have to come back to Maine to get our stuff and again get on the road, part of me wishes we could get rid of it all, but I know then when we do finally land somewhere, we will need it all and not have the money to replace it.

I do feel a bit liberated in a way for not having a home base. I really want to stay in New England near my family and friends but need to find work, and I have to go where there is work. If you think about it, and go back to the early 1800's people went whereever works was, they would leave their home country's and make a new life. It is alot easier now to communicate then back then but it is still amazing to me.

I am rereading Gone with the Wind again if you are wondering where that is coming from.

This article below was in the New London Day today, and after reading it, all I felt was sad, and it made me think things happen to everyone and you just never know. Could this be me someday, due to no work? Are we entering a major depression? My heart goes out to this couple and their family.

If it was you, what would the first line say about who you were? I was pondering that and have no idea what it would say about me, because I do not believe I have done anything remarkable in my life, I was never a star athlete or a cheerleader. Scarey to think, what you do when life takes dips and turns you can not control.


"Charles D. Orbann was a star athlete and a squad leader in the U.S. Air Force. He taught troubled children for more than 20 years in a Pennsylvania school system.

Dianne M. Orbann was a cheerleader in college. She worked for many years as an executive secretary, and her life revolved around her husband, son and grandchildren.

As of Tuesday , Charles Orbann, 59, and Dianne Orbann, 57, of East Hampton are also sentenced bank robbers. He is serving 19 months in prison and she has a suspended sentence and three years of probation. Their lives were a classic American story, their lawyers said, until mental and medical illnesses and a gambling problem crept into their lives.

”In 25 years, this is one of the most perplexing cases I have ever had as a criminal defense lawyer,” said Ron Murphy, who represented Charles Orbann.

The husband entered the People's Bank at 139 South Main St. in Colchester on May 18, 2007, implied he had a gun and demanded money. He left with a bag of cash and fled in a car driven by his wife. Witnesses were able to describe the car, and police spotted them a short time later in East Hampton. The Orbanns had two loaded guns in their car when they were arrested.

At the sentencings in New London, the Orbanns' adult son and other relatives listened as the couple's attorneys chronicled how their lives had deteriorated to this point.

Murphy said that in the 1990s, things started to change for Charles Orbann. Mental illness crept into his life, and he started missing days at work. He eventually left teaching and was diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder. The couple moved to Illinois, then to Connecticut to be close to their son and grandchildren.

”One of the unfortunate things about them coming to Connecticut is they were kind of close to Mohegan Sun,” Murphy said. He did not provide specifics on Orbann's gambling problem. “There were ce rtain losses,” he said.

Dianne Orbann left her job to take care of her husband and became “the keeper of the secret” of his mental illness, according to her attorney, Hope C. Seeley. Doctors said Orbann was unable to function in society without his wife. But eventually, Seeley said, his paranoia infected his wife. He demanded that she carry a loaded gun, and she did. She suffered from depression and panic attacks. Both suffered from physical ailments, and Charles Orbann worried all the time.

The wife could no longer control her husband, Seeley said, and on the day of the bank robbery, she didn't think her husband was serious.

”I think what happened that day is she was immobilized into submission,” Seeley said.

Charles Orbann's short-lived crime spree actually began 10 days earlier. On May 8, 2007, he smashed a car window and stole two pocketbooks while watching his grandson's soccer game in East Hampton, according to his attorney. He tried, unsuccessfully, to use credit cards from the pocketbooks at the casino. On the way out, he smashed another car window.

Husband and wife apologized for their crime, and their attorneys pleaded for leniency. But prosecutor John P. Gravalec-Pannone asked the judge to impose full sentences.

”We can empathize on a human level, but we have to send a message that if you're going to rob a bank and display a gun, you're going to jail,” Pannone said.

Judge Susan B. Handy remarked how terrifying it must have been for the bank teller that day. She said she recognized Charles Orbann's illness drove him to rob the bank, “but we can't have people robbing banks.”

The judge also told Dianne Orbann it was time for her to stand up for herself.

Day 20: I think I am going crazy, I do not know what to do with myself all day. I apply, work on my webpage and then stare at the walls all day. I have started to reread "Gone with the Wind", for about the 10th time. Today, we did start going through the boxes in the basement and packed the Jeep to go to the Dump tomorrow morning.

It was hard for the husband to start getting rid of books, he has been collecting for so long, we were at over a 1,000 books, and at least 5 huge boxes went into the Jeep. Since the dump is only open Wednesday and Saturday's we figure tomorrow will be at least 2 trips, then we will go to town to get boxes to begin packing. This time, everything is going into a Storage Shed, and when we pack it in the front will be things we might need.

Becoming homeless is horrible, even though we have family to fall back on at my age, I feel like a failure. I want to believe something will break soon for my job hunt, but the other part of me, knows how bad the economy is and it may take longer than ever this time. Scared, is not a good enough word for how I feel, terrified.

The husband is so positive, and I try so hard to keep positive, but when I wake up in the morning and have no office to go to, I am just lost. I have already purged my closets and bureau of clothes I realize I will never get back into or ever wear again, and then the basement. Once, we start packing again, I know I will fall apart again. Today going through the boxes downstairs and seeing pictures from my past, past loves, past friends, when I was thin, a different lifetime again, I realize we are going into another new phase of my life and our marriage.

I never realized what and adventure my marriage would be, I thought getting married at 40 was going to be the biggest thing ever, but now we have taken another direction in our life and I want to know what will happen.

Stayed tuned..Oh, we bought a video camera so we will be recording our adventure and putting it on our blog.

Day 19 of the job search - Well, when I talked to the unemployment office on Friday, it went well, still not sure if I am receiving money or not, the husband thinks it was just because it is Maine and I have never applied before in my life. I have already started on the second sheet they give you for applying for jobs, your job search record, the unemployment guy did mention people that are really looking will have a few sheets.

We have made a decision, we are packing up our belongings and putting them in storage, pre-paid for 3 months and then hitting the road. We are going to stay at my mom's for a few weeks, and look for work there, and then go down to CT for a few days, and stay at my dad's he is in Hilton Head, and then go out to Wisconsin for his sisters wedding, and then to Illnois to visit his family. I have applied for a few positions out in Illnois, maybe I can get and interview. Then come back to the East Coast and go to Hilton Head, while my dad is up in CT for the holidays and see if there is any positions in this area, Virginia and Maryland too.

I am so scared, never in my life have I had no place to live and actually looking all over for work, in the hospitality world you never know when the right job will come along and where. The husband is so excited, I myself am scared, of course, the traveling is contigent on if I get a position before we travel. We do have to go out to Wisconsin for his sisters wedding the week of Thanksgiving. We did not buy plane tickets too expensive we are driving. Some of our guest rooms are already paid for, so that is a good thing.

Maybe we will see you on the road.

Day 16 of no job:
Today, I am a b****, I have been picking fights with my husband over nothing, screaming at the birds outside, just finding things to be mad at, when in truth I am mad and disappointed in myself. I have to work harder to find a job, the thing is, I want to love the property I am working for, not just take it because it is a job.

I have applied all over the country, and only (1) of those resorts would I like to work, and that one I do not even love. I also, think it is about time, I move up in my career and am applying for Director positions in hotels/resorts. No, not Director of Sales, I am not really a room division person, I am a Foodie so Catering or Conference Services would be the perfect Director position for me. Now, I was offered a position for Director in Louisiana, but no relocation package, no insurance and paying me only $1,000 more than I was making here in Maine. Granted in LA that is good, but do I want to take a chance with a hotel with no insurance and no flag? Also, do I want to be that far from my family again?

I am looking in New England and Maryland those would be my (2) ideals, but no one is really hiring right now, all the Director positions open right now are in Texas, Georgia and LA. The wonderful husband is willing to go wherever I want, but I love New England and prefer not to leave it. I have been trying to set up and interview with a company in Boston, who contacted me and then nothing, so I have no idea what will happen with them. Yes, we will have to move again, but this time not as far, we can live right outside Boston which takes us 3 hours from here.

I hate that I feel like such a failure and no matter what I try nothing is happening, I have a phone interview with the Unemployment Office here today, I do not know if that is normal or what, I have never collected before, and this is scaring me, even when I worked for a hotel in Mystic and every year they laid you off for 2-4 weeks in the middle of winter, I would just budget so I would not have to collect. I was not brought up that way, but with the economy the way it is, you never know what will happen. Am I being too picky, should I just take a catering sales job which means we would have to pay for the move again, and I still owe my mom for the move last year.

Confusion, self-doubt is settling in, we have to go to Wisconsin in November for his sisters wedding and scared we do not have the money. My mom wants me to go see my sisters this weekend with her in CT, which normally would be fun, but now I don't' want to spend any money, I have taken to dying my hair myself and no manicure/pedicures or even my eyebrows which desperately need to be waxed. Women sure do spend alot of money to maintain themselves. My hair color cut style costs me between $170-$190 each time, so now I am thinking of going to a super cuts or something and not my normal salon, just for a cut, I will take care of the color.

I am waiting to get my Wedding Web page on the computer, the husband is editing the book now, and then even if I do not make any money, I at least will feel like I am working toward something. I need to feel like I am contributing to something bigger than myself. This is so hard for me, I have never been without a job or at least 2 jobs. Even my father said that when I talked to him the other day, he gave me some ideas. I do feel my family is judging me, they may not be but it is how I feel. It goes back to being in jr. high and wanting so much to be liked,that insecurity and that feeling of not belonging.

Off to do some more job hunting.

Day 14 of the out of work blues. Actually, as of today, I am just upset that I have only had (2) companies call for interviews and I have sent out my resumes all over the United States.

I know one problem was I was too honest about needing a relocation package, which I have stopped doing, and the other is the economy. Hospitality is not a need,so it is not surprising the hotel business is taking a downturn in hiring people. I have even thought outside the box and looked outside hotels, still doing planning but not centering on weddings more on meetings.

I should of watched the debate last night, but most of the time, I think all politicians are liars, and say what we want to hear, but the real test if they follow through and do what they are saying on the campaign trail. This presidential race is definitely and interesting one, either party is going to have a first. My husband is out networking his business, and I have decided to stay home and work on my book. I have done a little more typing and going to have him start editing it.

Hope all is well with everyone out there.

Today, is a good day, I have started inputting my wedding book to help brides into the computer and am up to 30 pages, I will be putting it on my new website by the end of the month. It is keeping me busy, I have been putting out my resume all over the country, a few places have called, but nothing that I want.

We may have to move again, and I am trying to avoid that, it is too much to move every year, and I really would like a place we can really call home. It has been hard being with my husband 24/7, we have worked out a system when he is on the computer, I am writing my book, or working on sending out resumes, and then it is my turn.

Today, he was still in bed at 7am which is rare, so I have been on the computer now, I am taking a break and going to see some Temp agencies to get some work. Looking for that next job is a full time job in itself, and networking is the key.

Keep looking out.

Big going ons in the world. I watched the VP Debate last night, and thought Sarah Palin did and amazing job, and yes, I am a bit basis, I like her. It is always funny to see the political analyst after the fact and everyone has a different opinion, or is reading into what was not exactly said.

Then today, another vote for the Financial Bail out, which was passed with quite a few Republicans holding out and saying "Nay", why didn't the Democrats do that in the beginning part of the week? Were they waiting for the Senate, or did they not want only them on the Bill if it fails?

If it succeeds they will be heroes but if it doesn't then Obama will take a hit. While they were voting the Stock Market was up 266.90 points, right now an hour later it is -20.60 points what does that show?

It is Day 9 of Paula out of work, I have had a few calls, but no interviews as of yet.