Good Morning Bloggers,
Today is a blue day for me. In the last few weeks things have happened for people that I once was very close to. Two weeks ago an old boyfriend of mine passed away he was "36" years old and died of liver failure due to alcoholism. When we were together which was about 2 years, I knew he drank but did not know the extend of it, was I stupid or more a person who just did not want to see it?
He was not my first boyfriend with an addiction, another one was a huge pot head, but he didn’t die. My old boyfriend, who passed away, was a wonderful, fun, sweetheart of a man, who loved people and just wanted everyone to be happy. His passion was flying and fishing, on my birthday September 12, 2001 he had arranged a flight around the world trade center, for obvious reasons that did not happen, he was so worried my birthday was going to be spoiled. My birthday was already spoiled but not because of him but because of what had just happened to our country. We tried to celebrate but to both of us it just seemed so wrong, everyone was just so raw from the day before. That Christmas, he bought a bottle of Tequila in my stocking (should have been a clue), about 4 of use sat around and got pretty bombed all day in our pj’s, we laughed, played games and just liked being lazy. Why didn’t I find something wrong with that as a gift? Did I not want to see it? When we broke up which I did, it was for a lot of reasons, his lateness, his ability to call in sick because he was too hung over, where my motto has always been if you inflict it yourself you can’t call in sick it just is not right. I have so much ambition and he didn’t, looking back on it, the alcohol had a lot to do with it.
I had not spoken to him in over 3 years when he died, and my guilt is overwhelming sometimes, he really was an incredible man, he did not deserve to die this way, or at all at only 36 years old. I know he had a lot of pain in his life, and I hope he is happier up in Heaven because that is where he deserves to be. He was a big teddy bear who would never have intentionally hurt anyone. I also feel guilty because I could not be at his funeral, my mom and sister went and said it was standing room only and a few people got up and said such wonderful things about him, my thought is too bad he wasn’t there to see how many people lives he touched in such a short time.
My next one is a girl I went to high school with; we had been friends since Jr. High. Smart, pretty good family got arrested last week trying to buy crack cocaine. This girls has 2 college degrees, has traveled the world with 4-H club, always active in the community, and just a smart girl all around. How could her life take such a tumble? Her brother is a friend of my sisters and he said, she has always had a low-self esteem problem. If you met her she must have been quite the actress because I never saw that. She definitely had an addictive personality, when were in high school, most of us smoked a bit of pot, but nothing extreme. A lot of us stopped after college was are now in the beginning of our 40’s, and life is still so ahead for us, what could have gone wrong? My heart goes out to her, and my sisters have asked me since the story broke, if I know why? We were close so many years ago but had lost touch. Could I have done anything for her? Would it have made a difference?
I am just putting this out there to see if anyone else worries when you lose touch do you feel guilty or feel you could have prevented these tragedies?